What Is
Confidence?
Confidence can be described as a belief in one's ability to succeed. Striking a
healthy balance can be challenging. Too much of it and you can come off as
cocky and stumble into unforeseen obstacles, but too little can prevent you
from taking risks and seizing opportunities—in school, at work, in your social
life, and beyond.
The
idea that some of us were born with confidence and some of us were not is a
total myth that robs you of a bit of hope. God didn’t dish out confidence at
birth, giving bags full to Hollywood stars and leaving you with the scraps.
While some people are naturally confidence, confidence can still be learned by
the rest of us – including you.
To
act more confidently, it’s a good idea to model your actions, behaviours and
speech on those of someone you really admire. Pick a role model and watch their
videos. Listen to how they talk, look out for their body language and how they
compose themselves.
Modelling
ourselves on someone else is a great way to improve what we’ve got. If someone
else has the gift of confidence, there’s no reason why you can’t have it, too.
Grow Your
Knowledge! One
of the reasons we find conversations with new people daunting is because we’ve
got very little to say – or at least think we have. Maybe the people we’re
hanging around with have taken the conversation into territory that we’re a
little unsure of, and so we shrink into our shell and wait until someone brings
the topic back to the weather.
If
you feel as though you have little to talk about in conversations besides the
weather, Games of Thrones and Beyonce, building up your knowledge base is a
good way to expand the scope of your topics. Read books, listen to podcasts and
watch YouTube videos. Watch the news, keep abreast of current events.
Make Yourself
Vulnerable!
A lot of us are scared of making ourselves vulnerable because we’ve been
conditioned to believe that vulnerability is a sign of weakness that exposes
our faults to the world. In actual fact, vulnerability can be used as a
strength.
When
we make ourselves vulnerable to people, we tear off the shackle’s of shyness.
We are able to have more open and honest conversation with people, and this in
turn improves our relationships.
Vulnerability
is a sign that you have real emotions and that you’re not afraid of them.
Observe How Others
Act! I
have this friend who is super confident. She absolutely amazes me with her
confidence because, to look at her, you would not readily assume that she had
so much esteem when it came to talking to any type of person.
When
I felt nervous about talking to new people, I watched the way my friend did it.
She literally didn’t care how others would perceive her. She was herself, and
she was brilliant.
It’s
important to watch how your friend’s interact with others, as well as how they
are received by others. If you worry that you might get perceived badly, watch
and learn!
Be Mindful Mindfulness is the
practice of being aware of everything that is going on around you at the
present moment.
If
you’re eating, you’re aware of every chew you take. If you’re drinking, you’re
aware of every swallow you take. And so on.
When
you are in the present moment 100%, your social interactions improve. Rather
than getting distracted by thoughts of “I can’t do this, I’m too shy,” you
remain totally focused on the conversation and the people you are talking to.
This will help you to improve your skills and grow in confidence.
Ignore Your Inner
Critic!
We are often our worst critic, but while this is totally okay in many areas of
life (because it pushes us to do better), it can be really damaging if we
straight criticising ourselves mid-conversation.
Ignore
your inner critic and just go with the flow. Be yourself.
Focus On Your
Strengths! We
all have strengths and weaknesses, but shy people tend to always focus on their
weaknesses when they’re having a conversation with someone new. Perhaps you
might focus on your wonky front tooth, or maybe you get distracted by a pretty
insignificant spot on your cheek. It’s enough to distract you and prevent you
from having a meaningful, exciting conversation.
It’s
time to focus on your strengths. If being positive is a strength of yours,
bring it to the conversation. If you have a nice smile, smile while you chat!
If your biggest knowledge lies with music, direct the chat to music.
Identify
your strengths and double down on them.
Love Yourself! Disliking yourself
can certainly cause you embarrassment when you’re talking to someone new.
Because you’re not so keen on yourself, it’s easy to assume that the other
person will dislike you too.
It’s
time to start loving yourself. Appreciate you for what you are. Write down
everything you’re grateful for, as well as what you like about yourself. Make a
note of your strengths and take some time getting to know who you really are.
What are your values? What are your likes and dislikes? Take yourself on a
date!
Probe the Other
Person! When
we’re shy, it can be really easy to focus on ourselves and our problems during
a conversation. We listen to the other person going on a spiel, and we hope
they’ll continue forever because we really don’t want to have to interject. We
have nothing to say!
This
kind of thinking will definitely kill a conversation, and eventually the other
person will give up. For this reason, you should try shifting your focus from
yourself onto them. Ask them questions about themselves, take an interest in
them and work hard to probe them.
People
like being asked questions, so don’t be afraid to dig deep.
Don’t Say That
You’re Shy Why
label yourself by telling people you’re shy? Why put yourself on the back
burner straight away like that? Instead of openly admitting you’re shy, perhaps
describe yourself as quirky, individual, or even a little bit eccentric.
Stay
happy!
